


broken and lost

by caffeineaddicted_malec



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec won't let Magnus push him away., Between 3x13 and 3x14, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M, Post 3x13, Protective Alec Lightwood, just love, they are in love.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 19:17:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18104756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeineaddicted_malec/pseuds/caffeineaddicted_malec
Summary: This one-shot follows Magnus' day post 3x13 as he waits for Alec to come back from his mission with Isabelle. Loneliness makes him relive everything he has been going through ever since he returned from Edom.Alec, on the other hand, is just the anchor Magnus needs right now.





	broken and lost

**Author's Note:**

> This is just something that came to me after I was disappointed by the lack of screenspace for Magnus in 3x13. He deserves better. I haven't beta'ed it... or given it much thought. Just basically wrote whatever came to my mind. Please don't yell at me if you don't enjoy it.

“Thank you, Mr Bane! Really needed this coffee. I’ll take it from here... Mr Lightwood should be back soon and he will banish me like Raj if he saw that I made you fill in for me”, Underhill walked back in with a cup of steaming coffee, making Magnus jump in his chair. He _hated_ this new-found fear of the unknown that had gripped him since his trip to Edom.

“It was just 5 minutes. And don’t worry, Alexander won’t come to know of this little switch.”, Magnus waved his hand with a sad smile on his face that only a certain absent Shadowhunter could have noticed. _Absent_ being the operative word. Not that Magnus blamed Alec for it. He and Isabelle were on a mission to unravel the truth of the Clave’s torture activities on the Downworld prisoners. _And,_ Izzy needed her brother more than Magnus needed his boyfriend today. He himself had discussed Isabelle’s potential addiction relapse with Alec and urged him to be there for her; assuring him that he would be _fine_ in the Institute by himself.

And it had been okay, for the most part.

Magnus had helped a few new Nephilim with common herbal remedies for their ailments, and made a quick call to Catarina to see if she could portal to France for some L’Isle Adam roots that could have benefitted Isabelle with her cravings. He had also spent some time with Clary, and helped her and Jace in their quest to relieve Clary of the mark that linked her to her demonic sibling. He had also bugged a young female Shadowhunter sometime later in the day into teaching him the basics of using a computer. That had been _quite_ interesting. And then, on his way back to Alec’s room, he had noticed Underhill dozing off in the security room and offered to substitute for him while the man got his coffee and a much-deserved break.

He was now walking back to his boyfriend’s empty room to pack his things and return to his loft, preferably before Alec returned from his mission. Waking up with his boyfriend in his room had been pleasant in the morning, but as the day went by, Magnus could not help but think that he could have healed Alec, tracked Clary, helped Isabelle and what not if he still had his magic. Now, he was just a mundane 400-year old powerless warlock whose utility had been reduced to substituting for people in their jobs and interfering in the lives’ of people who wanted nothing to do with him. He just _had to leave_ before it got worse.

“Magnus?”, his favorite voice sounded from over his shoulder and Magnus felt Alec’s palm on it. He blinked his eyes and cleared his throat. He was already in Alec’s room somehow. Plastering a small smile on his face, Magnus spun on his heels and placed his hands on either side of Alec’s waist.

“Alexander!”, his voice choked because he had been quiet for too long.

“Are you okay?”

“I am”, he lied.

“I called your name thrice... and you seemed distant.”, Alec widened his hazel orbs.

“Uh”, Magnus swallowed. “I was... I was just thinking... something...”, Magnus waved his hand dismissing Alec’s suspicions.

“...what were you thinking?”

“...nothing!”, Magnus shrugged, brushing their bodies together as he walked away from Alec’s proximity.

“... your thoughts are never _nothing_ to me...”, Alec announced, possibly crossing his hands on his chest. Magnus had his back towards his boyfriend, but he could very well _see_ what Alec was doing. He _knew_ he couldn’t have escaped Alec’s concern for him but frankly, there was no suitable way to describe what Magnus was feeling inside him. The last thing he wanted was to under or overestimate his feelings in front of the love of his life. Curling his fingers together, Magnus dropped his gaze on his hands and took a deep breath. _He should tell Alec._

 

No.

 

Alec already has a lot on his plate with the Institute on alert, the Clave tortures, Isabelle and his parabatai’s girlfriend being linked to a Clave fugitive and mass murderer.

 

He doesn’t need to know this.

“...you’ve zoned out again”, Alec curled his hands around Magnus’ shoulder and squeezed him softly. Magnus lifted one of his hands and placed it over Alec’s on his shoulder. The touch of his warm skin brought him undeniable sense of belonging – a feeling he had been deprived of all day. Grabbing it, Magnus brought Alec’s hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss on the inside of his palm.

“I am fine...”, he turned to face Alec again. The Shadowhunter was boring his beautiful hazel eyes on Magnus and only someone without a soul could have not melted at the sight. “Just...tired”, Magnus’ husky voice was shaky, and he _knew_ Alec would read between the lines. He knew the man too well.

“Are you sure?”, Alec asked, again.

“Positive”, Magnus tried to sound his usual charming self.

“Magnus... you don’t have to...”, Alec tilted his head and blew out air.

“I am not...”, the man argued, cutting Alec mid-sentence. He brought one hand up to cup Alec’s cheek and gently rubbed the Shadowhunters’ cheekbone. His skin felt soft and warm under Magnus’ cold touch. “I am just tired... but it’s nothing a good bubble bath can’t fix.”, he gulped, hoping Alec would buy his fabricated lies.

“Give me a minute... I’m going to go and talk to Izzy... and... we’ll go back to the loft together?”, he stepped away, suggestively pointing his index finger at Magnus. The little smile on Magnus’ face vanished and so did the little remaining color on his face and he looked away. He couldn’t have maintained his façade for the whole night if Alec stayed with him.

Alec frowned.

“What?”, he asked, stepping back into Magnus’ space.

“I don’t mean to sound rude... but I would rather you not come home tonight...”, the man’s husky voice was low and unsure.

“Did I do something wrong?”, Alec gasped, fear spreading all over his face.

“No... _NO!_ ”, Magnus replied, holding his Shadowhunter’s face between his palms. “Isabelle needs you more than I do tonight... and some _me-_ time won’t harm me anyway”, he explained. The worry on Alec’s face faded a little and his tensed shoulders relaxed. “I will see you tomorrow, okay?”. Alec scrunched his nose and looked away, disappointment visible all over his face. Magnus felt that too. Ever since his return to Edom, they hadn’t spent a single night away from each other. Alec hadn’t let them. Magnus hummed a soft reply, pursing his lips together. He leaned in and caught his Shadowhunters’ soft lips in his. Alec gave in to his boyfriend’s sweet kiss, bringing his palm flat on Magnus’ back. He pulled the man closer so that their chests brushed against each other.

“I can come to the loft later tonight...”, Alec whispered warmly against Magnus’ lips, pulling away from him and resting their foreheads together.

“It’s okay... you don’t have to make so many trips up and down in the middle of the night”, Magnus shook his head gently, dropping his gaze from Alec’s face down to his chest. “I will see you for brunch tomorrow? Just like I... _we_ promised your mother...”, Magnus tapped Alec’s shoulder, stepping away from his boyfriend.

“Yes... speaking of, I would love to know what you’ve done to my mother. She loves spending more time with her son’s boyfriend than her own son...”, Alec rolled his eyes.

“Are you jealous?”, Magnus quipped.

“Jealous? Me...?”, Alec dramatically exclaimed. “My mother accepting the man in my life is the only wish I have ever had... all my childhood...”, he reached out to Magnus and pulled him back closer by his waist. “I love you...”, he shook his head softly – suggesting that there wasn’t anything more truthful than this. His eyes were shining more than they should, with a sheen of tear coating his cornea. Magnus found his heart falling in love with the boy _all over again._ Like that was ever possible.

But with Alexander, it was.

“I love you too”, Magnus kissed him again, and felt Alec nuzzle his way in his arms. For a moment, he could have let himself forget everything that was going on with him – including that very desperate text to the current High Warlock of Brooklyn that was waiting to be sent to the man – if the need so arose.

Moments later, they parted, and Magnus made his way back to his loft.

.

The silk robe hung over his shoulder as the moon did on this very clear, starry night. Magnus had spent many evenings leaning over the edge of his balcony – taking in the empire he had created, the legacy he would leave behind if he ever passed. The blue hue of his magic would be the only other entity allowed to be with Magnus in those evenings. Besides Alec... but that was a very recent development. The ex-warlock rubbed his fingertips together – feeling the emptiness in his veins. The surge of current in his veins, the jolt of excitement in his chest and the warmth of power his magic exuded – _all gone._ Ruthlessly snatched away by his own flesh and blood.

A subtle breeze made Magnus cross his hands on his chest. His skin was still a little damp with the bath he just had. He jumped when his phone lit up next to him – a momentary hope that the light was from the sparks of his magic quickly got diluted when he saw that it was just _his phone._ It was a text from Alec flashing on the lock-screen which was a photo of Alec from the party they had thrown to celebrate Valentine’s defeat a few weeks ago.

Alec’s gaze was dropped down on the bottle of beer in his hand, and he was giggling – a fact Magnus could notice with the way his Shadowhunter’s eyes were crinkled. Isabelle had taken this photograph and sent it to Magnus secretly... and now, it adorned the man’s phone wallpaper.

 

_Are you sure you’re okay?_

 

The text read. Magnus smiled softly.

 

_Alexander, I am fine. Stop worrying. Good night!_

Magnus hit the send button and attempted to close his phone when Alec’s reply came through.

 

_I’ll always worry about you. Sleep well. Good night!_

 

How he wished he could kiss Alec for being the most amazing person Magnus had had the pleasure of being with. He tightened his robe around himself and turned around to come inside his loft and head towards the bed. That text to Lorenzo Rey had been received by the shoddy warlock half an hour after Magnus returned to his loft and now, he was just waiting for the reply. A part of him feared Alec’s reaction when he would find out about this... and _maybe,_ Magnus shouldn’t tell him.

No.

He probably should.

A withheld truth had almost pulled them apart only a few weeks ago, and they had promised each other to never be dishonest again. He plugged his phone into the power cord and pulled the blanket to his chest. The bed felt awfully cold and empty without his love by his side or his magic to spark him warm again. Sighing quietly, Magnus closed his eyes and let himself be cradled by dreams, mostly nightmares of Edom.

.

A yawn escaped Magnus’ lips when he opened his eyes to the glaring sun. It was a bright day and having had a relatively dreamless night, Magnus didn’t feel as awful as most days. He stretched his arm out of the blanket and rubbed his eyes to clear his visions. There were birds chirping somewhere in his balcony... and the sound of wind rustling the leaves of his little terrace garden. There was a sound of...

 

_Soft snores._

Magnus sat up on the bed and widened his eyes. Alec was curled up on his gigantic recliner armchair in the far side of the room. His legs were pulled up and dropped on of the armrests and there was a fleece blanket that Alec was clutching on to. The Shadowhunter’s head was dropped on one of his shoulders with his cheek squished against it. Magnus pulled his robe together and reached his boyfriend. Kneeling down on the carpet next to the recliner, he brushed away the hair from Alec’s forehead.

“Alexander...”, he whispered, pulling himself up to press a soft kiss on his forehead. The Shadowhunter didn’t wake up. Magnus inspected his clothes and Alec was still wearing his grey shirt from yesterday and the leather jacket was thrown on the backrest. “Alec?”, Magnus moved his fingers through his hair again. Alec’s adam’s apple bobbed and he moved a little, struggling to open his sleepy eyes.

“m’ tired... Magn’s”, Alec rasped, holding his blanket closer.

“I know...”, Magnus scoffed, whispering softly. “Sleep on the bed... you’ll sprain your neck, darling”, he couldn’t help but smile at the boy. Alec gulped the dryness down his throat and opened his eyes.

“When did you...?”, Magnus asked.

“I came... I think it was 4 am...?”, Alec yawned.

“What were you doing up at 4am?”, Magnus tilted his head.

“Isabelle took off with Clary to do some girls’ night out...”, he waved his hands around. “And Jace... was just... Jace?”, he twitched his nose. “So, I did some paperwork... and more paperwork, until Underhill quite literally dragged me out of my office... and then... I just _had_ to come here”, he mumbled, dropping back against the recliner and relaxing in the warmth.

“I quite like this new security advisor...”, Magnus quipped, pulling the blanket away from the boy much to his disappointment. He got up and then grabbed Alec’s wrists pulling him up. The man hummed in annoyance as he let himself be guided to their bed. “...it’s only 7am... sleep on the bed”, Magnus whispered, ushering the Shadowhunter to his side of the bed and pulling his blanket on him. Alec opened one eye and tapped the empty space next to him.

“Only if you join me...”, he asked.

“I...”, Magnus swallowed.

“Come here, Magnus Bane”, Alec groaned childishly. Magnus shook his head, rolling his eyes and then settled under the covers next to Alec. The Shadowhunter lifted his head and settled it close to Magnus’, rubbing his nose against his hair. The man himself relaxed finding comfort in Alec’s proximity. His warmth was what he _exactly_ needed right now. He nestled closer and pulled one of Alec’s arms over his waist. The boy’s chest brushed against Magnus’ bare back and his nose trailed Magnus’ spine.

“I know something’s up with you... I can feel it...”, the boy whispered. “...and you’re not ready to share it with me... _yet”._ Magnus gulped, opening his eyes. He clenched his jaw and pressed his down in his pillow.

“Alexander...”

“It’s okay... you don’t have to explain...”, Alec cut him off. “We can talk about it... when you _absolutely_ feel good...”, he kissed his spine again. “I am not going anywhere...”

The sting of tears at the back of his eyes hurt Magnus. He sniffed and pulled himself together. No, he couldn’t break down. He wasn’t weak. “Whatever it is... I am here for you...”, Alec reassured him. “We will get through this... _together_...”, he added.

Magnus nodded, gulping the lump down his throat. He turned around underneath Alec’s arm and buried his head in the crook of Alec’s neck. They just fit so perfectly together. Lacing their legs together under the blanket, Magnus placed his own arm lightly on Alec’s waist and closed his eyes as Alec pulled them closer. The blanket got stuck between their bodies and static electricity crackled against their skin.

Magnus’ phone vibrated on the side-table with a text alert.

But right now, none of that mattered.

 

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, leave your comments... or find me on Twitter (@aliaawrites)


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